sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
