I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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