There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
