When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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