Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
