I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
pop tarts are not kleenex
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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