No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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