We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
