dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
