I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
