Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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