My liver just broke up with me...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
