I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
