he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize