she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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