I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
