are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
