I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
