dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
