i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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