as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
