And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
