i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
