im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
