I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
