Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
