If i come over, it means nothing
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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