roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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