we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
