he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
