Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
