he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
