He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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