I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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