I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
