Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there is glitter all over my balls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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