I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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