apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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