I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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