im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
