it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize