whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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