Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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