You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
