He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
