Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
