i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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