the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
