So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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