DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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