Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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