im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
