Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
