I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
