I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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