I'm laying in your front yard are you home
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
