Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
