Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
