i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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