So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
