I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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