Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
