hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
