What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
