Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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